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Inside the Mind of a Sex Addict [entries|friends|calendar]
Sean P.

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Well If This Is Movin' Out Then I'm Movin Out... [23 Apr 2004|06:23pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

Ok, this is to all my wicked awesome friends out there.

As of today, I am officially MOVING OUT!

I'm leaving livejournal and switching to greatestjournal.

Maybe the 1000 icons without paying had something to do with it.

Anyway, if you're still interested in me (and I hope you are) you can check me out on greatestjournal under the username twistedutopia.

Linkage! http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/twistedutopia/

I'll probably be back to update and check up on people everyone once in a while (not like I comment on any of your journals anyway...sorry bout that:X)

Anyway, it's been real, guys! I'll miss you all!


2   guys in my bed

[18 Apr 2004|10:51am]
[ mood | cranky ]

Saw Kyle the other night, we went to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Awesome movie, very depressing. I went to hug him when he got to the theater, and something got fucked up and he slashed my face with his fingernails by accident. It turned all red and puffy, so I put a Band-aid on it and now I look like Nelly. Anyway, my mom had to come into the theater with us because the ticket taker at the door was really strict and said that it wasn't enough that Kyle had someone who was 17 with him, it HAD to be a parent or guardian. So when it was over we came out of the theater and I was going to walk him to go meet his parents and she kept bitching about how I was ignoring her and not treating her like a human being. She didn't seem to grasp the fact that I was with my boyfriend who I had not seen in months, not counting earlier this week, and who I will not see again until summer vacation. She's so melodramatic, I wish she would just suck it up sometimes.

I'm finally reading Interview with the Vampire. It's very good.

Going to Nantucket later on today, staying until tomorrow. Going to be boring as hell. *bashes head against wall*

Vampire story coming along nicely, though I've kind of hit a wall. I'm depating whether Locke and Krys should have sex now or if i should save that until later. It's pissing me off because they want to, and they got themselves into Krys' apartment and everything, but it's only chapter 2. *growl* damn characters and their fictional free will.

Still sick, it's pissing me off.

4   guys in my bed

[14 Apr 2004|07:44pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Today was the Day of Silence. It was much better than last year, I didn't get nearly as much shit. The breaking the silence party was awesome, we watched But I'm a Cheerleader and the episode of Ellen Degegeneres when she came out.

For anyone who does not live in New England, your DOS is April 21st. Go and be silent!

3   guys in my bed

[13 Apr 2004|05:41pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

"How does one man assert his power over another, Winston?"

Winston thought. "By making him suffer," he said.

"Exactly. By making him suffer. Obedience is not enough. unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? Power is in inflicing pain and humiliation. Power is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in shapes of your own choosing. Do you begin to see, then, what kind of world we are creating? It is the exact opposite of that stupid hedonistic Utopias that the old reformers imagined. A world of fear and treachery and torment, a world of trampling and being trampled upon, a world which will grow not less but more merciless as it refines itself. Progress in our world will be progress toward more pain. The old civilizations claimed that they were founded on love and justice. Ours is founded upon hatred. In our world there will be no emotions except fear, rage, triumph, and self-abasement. Everything else we shall destroy - everything. Already we are breaking down the habits of thought which ave survived from before the Revolution. We have cut the links between child and parent, and between man and man, and between man and woman. No one dares trust a wife or a child or a friend any longer. But in the future there will be no wives and no friends. Children will be taken from their mothers at birth, as one takes eggs from a hen. The sex instinct will be eradicated. Procreation will be an annual formality like the renewal of a ration card. We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are working on it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty toward the Party. There will be no love, except for the love of Big Brother. There will be no laughter, except for the laugh of triumph over a defeated enimy. There will be no art, no literature, no science. When we are omnipotent we shall have no more need of science. There will be no distinction between beauty and ugliness. There will be no curiosity, no employment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always - do not forget this, Winston - always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever." \

1984 - amazing book. Near the end, though, Orwell slams you with this tidal wave of new ideas that knocks you over and leaves you stunned. I almost started crying at several points, I was so confused and horrified.

Anyway, go and read it.

5   guys in my bed

"Please keep your hands off the tenderloin..." [12 Apr 2004|10:25pm]
[ mood | content ]

So I just had our spring chorus concert. The band played this whole thing from Les Mis, me and Lindsey were singing along. And we didn't bucher our solo! But they spelled our names wrong on the program, they spelled her name Lindsay and my last name Phillips with one L. Anyway, I'm all dressed up in my waiter outfit, I'm reminded of the episode of QAF where Michael and I think Emmett had got hired as stripper/waiters for a dinner. Hence the title of the entry.

So last afternoon I went up to my room and painted and hacked up orcs on the RotK computer game. Very relaxing, that. If you're mad, you should take your anger out on virtual things instead of real things, like I used to kick my cat. But that was mean, so now I just hack up orcs with my nifty Legolas white knives. It's fun. But Sam is still the best character in the game. Until...Kyle came over!

Yes, KYLE CAME HOME!!!!! I'm so happy! He came for dinner last night and slept over. We didn't do anything, we just made out and painted and played RotK and groped around a little, then cuddled and went to sleep. One of ther best nights of my life. Distance reallt does make the heart grow fonder.

4   guys in my bed

[10 Apr 2004|07:20pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

God, I just want to hit something right now. My mom's pissed at me because I was cheering too loud at Movin' Out. My dad is pissed at me because I told him that downloading all my music would take too long. And windows media player won't work, so now I can't listen to my music on the computer, because all the internet music won't work because I have fucking dial up. And I deleated windows messager but I keep getting the goddamn popups advertizing sex with real women. I'm just so fucking pissed off right now I want to shove my whole family through a meat grinder. Alive. I'm going to go write now and try not to break Jimmy's keyboard by pounding on it too hard.

2   guys in my bed

[07 Apr 2004|06:29pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I have to go to school on friday. How insane is that, having school on Good Friday. Makes no sense.

Submitted my plea to the great Sandra to bring back This is Home. *crosses fingers and waits for reply*.

I have a bio test tomorrow. I'm gonna pass...I'm gonna pass...

4   guys in my bed

[05 Apr 2004|01:48pm]
[ mood | blah ]

with tunnel vision on
you are the only one
all made up, stare straight up
and walk straight into a wall
see this is all your fault
you take more than you can hold
you want this one, you won't give up
you'll suck it through a straw
till you're full, till you're full
it's true that you would be fed up with you
if you knew what you are
till you're full of yourself
it's true that you would be fed up with you
if you knew what you are
it's different than before
you don't listen anymore
you're impatient, you're inflated
and i knwo that you won't stop
till you're full, till you're full
it's true that you would be fed up with you
if you knew what you are
till you're full of yourself
it's true that you would be fed up with you
if you knew what you are

<3 Gob.

</3 daylight savings time *yawn*. We had a half day today. Damn Jimmy and Ben, I hate writer's block.

guys in my bed

[04 Apr 2004|09:48am]
[ mood | tired ]

Went to see Hellboy with Lexi and Lei and Kay and Lulu and Ben and Amy and Lexi's cousin and Chris and another boy I didn't know. It wasn't good, the acting sucked, but it was fun. I stole Lexi's Snickers, and me and Amy talked about my jacket. Then me, my mom and my dad went out to this fancy Italian restaurant to celebrate his book deal. It was nice.

Holly bailed on me for the history project. I'm gonna have to do it all myself, and she has the info that I need. I mean, I know she's going through a tough time right now, but she could've told me beforehand that I would be doing the project by myself.

Meh. Daylight savings time. Now I'll go back to being exausted beyond belief every morning. I was waking up at 5:30, now I'll be waking up at 6:30, and I have to get up at 6:00. Pisswad school board.

3   guys in my bed

[02 Apr 2004|08:07pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Another day, another layout. Sexy Harley this time, ladies and gentlemen. Check it out and tell me what you think!

6   guys in my bed

[02 Apr 2004|04:25pm]
[ mood | busy ]

What you are about to read is not a hoax. It was taken from an article about some flamingo thieves in my local newspaper. It's the letter recieved by the man owning the stolen flamingos.

"Because it is unacceptable in this unbearably small town to put out plastic lawn ornaments, we have taken your flamingos. We hare holding them for ransom at this time. As long as you comply with out requests, they will be unharmed. Do not try to contact the flamingo authorities, we will know about it.
The ransom for the relase of your flamingos is a half dozen cinnamon raisin bagels and a large vanilla coffee (cream and 2 sugars, please).
You will be contacted sortly with delivery instructions.
Do not try to follow or track your flamingos, as you can see
[attached were postcards of the flamingos], they are unharmed at the time."

...How messed up is that? I bet it's an April fool's joke, but the paper didn't make it up...

Augh, unimaginable amounts of homework. Let's see, I have...

40 bio notes
25 bio questions
History project that we didn't finish in history because Holly decided to skip the other day
English project that we're probably not going to work on this weekend anyway

Plus I have to finish Jimmy and Ben...my English teacher said something today about how if you want to be a professional, you have to act like it, so I've set a deadline for myself.

Want to redo my layout again, but this one is soo pretty...

2   guys in my bed

[30 Mar 2004|05:23pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Did some more tweaking on my layout. Got the backround color to pretty much exactly match the blue in the picture and got rid of the red. It looks fabulous, I think I'm in love with my journal now. And, of course, I'm going to change it around frequently now Michael, god of frappuchinos and *grumble* virginity typed all the overrides in, so I can change the picture and all the colors...yay! It's, like, dress-up for my journal! I have a Barbie journal! YAY!

More good news, the ammendment hasn't passed yet, but it's going to go to voters in 2006, and you know how that's going to end up.

I might get stuck on another project working with Katie Lowry. I don't know if I'll be able to take it, I got so freaking depressed last time, she made me feel like I was nothing 24/7.

I wish I had wings. Like Harley *points to backround picture* Big, beautiful, white wings. Like the ones I wore for halloween, except real. I could fly around in the sky, it would be so much fun.

I miss Kyle. I want him to come home.

5   guys in my bed

Gay Paris, here we come! [29 Mar 2004|08:56pm]
[ mood | confused ]

The bastards in corngess passed the ammendment to ban gay marriage, but allow civil unions in Massachusetts. That means me and Kyle will either have to settle for a civil union, or move to either the Netherlands or France. Amsterdam or gay Paris. I was thinking a spring wedding in the French country side *melts*...call me a hopeless romantic, but that's my idea of perfection. I mean, sunny, warm, the smell of flowers everywhere, birds chirping. I'd love that.

But THOSE FUCKING IMBECILES! Why can't they see that civil unions are not a replacement for marriage? That's what's ruining the institution of marriage, not homosexuals but civil unions. They're saying that the emotional aspects of marriage don't matter, just the benefits that go along with it. It's not fair, it's just fucking not fair.

On a lighter note, my Simple Plan hoodie came today. On a darker note, I got a D on my bio test *rips hair out in clumps*.

3   guys in my bed

[28 Mar 2004|08:51pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]


He's the amazing doctor that gave my journal such wonderful plastic surgary! No more ugly, boring red! How do you guys like it?

12   guys in my bed

Homework and Les Mis [24 Mar 2004|09:16pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Goddamn fucking homework. I'm getting more lately. Fucking AP bio. Fucking honors english. Fucking, fucking CP math. It should all die.

I Dreamed a Dream

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

Lovely Ladies (Exerpt)

Come on, Captain,
you can wear your shoes
Don't it make a change
To have a girl who can't refuse
Easy money
Lying on a bed
Just as well they never see
The hate that's in your head
Don't they know they're making love
To one already dead!

6   guys in my bed

[21 Mar 2004|03:13pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I'm going to name my unicorn Chester, because I bought it on Chester Bennington's birthday! Yes, yesterday was his birthday, he's 28. I thought he was older. Whatever.

Still sick, don't feel much better.

7   guys in my bed

[20 Mar 2004|09:51pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I'm sick, goddamnit! And I was going to go work for habitat for humanity tomorrow, I need the stupid community service hours. I feel like shit, I can barely swallow and my ears are ringing and itching and...ugh.

Lowell nearly got killed today. She was trying to mount a horse, and it got spooked while she had one foot in the stirrup, and she slipped on the wet ground and fell, so she almost got trampled and she got dragged for a bit, until she got her boot off. She hurt her leg pretty badly. I asked her if she wanted me to call an ambulence, but she said she was ok, and that she just needed to go home and change into some dry clothes. God, that horse was hell, she spooked Rose before the incident with Lowell and almost got me bucked off, and she also spooked Buddy and almost got my sister thrown. Lowell was trying to lunge her, and she kept rearing and bucking and kicking. If I was Lowell, I think I'd be dead by now. That woman is amazing, she has absolutely no fear.

So I have finally secured my position as an all-out flamer. I bought a blue sparkly stuffed unicorn with fairy wings at a toy store today before I rode. It was so cute, I couldn't resist. I guess I'm an official fag now, eh? At least it wasn't pink...

Sand dobby [9:57 PM]: she hurt her leg pretty badly
EnjoyingTheCalm [9:58 PM]: thats why people shouldnt ride horses.
Sand dobby [9:59 PM]: it's a dangerous sport
EnjoyingTheCalm [10:00 PM]: horses should ride people
Sand dobby [10:01 PM]: ...no
EnjoyingTheCalm [10:02 PM]: animal equality
Sand dobby [10:03 PM]: but humans and horses arn't equal
Sand dobby [10:04 PM]: it's about 1500 pounds of inequality
EnjoyingTheCalm [10:06 PM]: lol
Sand dobby [10:06 PM]: if a horse tried to ride a human, the human would be crushed
EnjoyingTheCalm [10:06 PM]: thats not their fault
Sand dobby [10:06 PM]: no, and it's not our fault that we evolved with the ability to domesticate horses
EnjoyingTheCalm [10:07 PM]: blah
EnjoyingTheCalm [10:07 PM]: i was joking....
Sand dobby [10:07 PM]: and thay did not evolve with the ability to domesticate us...i know
Sand dobby [10:07 PM]: i just like to argue

4   guys in my bed

[12 Mar 2004|07:34pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Got a D+ in English on my progress report thing. My parents are uber-pissed.

On a lighter note, my haircut looked so pretty that I wore a bunch of makeup to school today to complement it. It was lots of fun. I wish i got pictures, but I can't find my goddamn camera.

Michael isn't on, so I have no one to talk to. Woe is me.

2   guys in my bed

[11 Mar 2004|07:56pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Benji n' Joel's birthday! Yay! They're 25! Only...8 years older than me! Woohoo! I have a chance!

Spanish project over, Katie gone ^_^

Just got a haircut. I look lovely. Hah, conceited much?

I've discovered that I look pretty in shiny, sparkly lip gloss. There was a little "Try Me!" at the hair cutting place, and I just couldn't resist. Maybe if I get some extra cash I'll buy myself some.

I wish Kyle would come home.

I wish it was vacation already.

I wish a lot of things.

Only about half ever come true.

But half is better than nothing.

And I'm getting married in two years to the man I love.

I really shouldn't complain.

4   guys in my bed

[10 Mar 2004|04:29pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Got the RotK game up and running on my dad's computer, fucking awesome game. The only flaw is that Aragorn can't fight. He kinda waves his sword around, without actually hitting anything. Legolas is awesome, though, so that makes up for it.

Losing the will to get out of bed in the morning, not that i had much to begin with. There's this girl in my Spanish class, Katie (not you Katie, another Katie), and she's being a bitch to me, 27/7, like we're making this stupid mouse for this Spanish float thing, and she keeps saying "No, you ruined our mouse!" and "We have to put a dress on it." She fails to remember that I'm the leader of the group, no her, and I have the authority to make decisions like that. I don't know, usually it wouldn't bother me that much, but she's been making me feel really bad. Like after every class I feel like I'm going to cry or something...hah, I'm such a pussy.

Probably failed my history test. Damn bastard of a teacher wanted me write five paragraphs on how inflation affected European expansion. I couldn't write more than two.

Now I have to think up an essay to write to make up my crappy English grades...maybe my application of the AIDS epidemic to The Lord of the Rings?

Ben quit Evenesence and is now writing songs with Avril. Man, Ben, how desperate can you get?

2   guys in my bed

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